British expats who share a love of UK comedy, music and sport.

An English man, Irishman and a Scottishman are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free". Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottishman says,"..yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free." Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says "Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the backroom for a shag" The English says "WOW! Did that happen to you?" and the Irishman replies "No, but it happened to my sister."

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremony of the Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted. The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

Three steeple-jacks, an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman had stopped for lunch a hundred feet above the streets of London. As usual they had sandwiches in their lunch-boxes and none of them looked too excited at the prospect. The Englishman opened his box and found beef sandwiches as always and in anger he said "If I've got beef again tomorrow, I'm jumping off - I've had enough of this!" The Scot found Tuna in his as always and said that he would join the Englishman in protest if he had Tuna the next day as well. The Irishman had cheese in his and he swore to join the others if he had cheese the following day. Lunchtime the next day was a sombre occasion for the three friends. One hundred feet up they sat and in turn opened their lunch boxes. The Englishman found to his disgust that he had beef again, the Scot had Tuna and the Irishman - cheese. Together, as agreed, they jumped off and fell to their deaths. At the combined funeral the three wives tried to console each other. The English man's wife was saying how much she thought her husband enjoyed the beef sandwiches she made him each day. The Scots man's wife said the same of the Tuna she gave her husband. But the Irish man's wife was distraught and said that she just couldn't understand it as Paddy always made his own sandwiches!

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons... "My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we obviously decided to call him George." "That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew." "That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman. "Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake."